Today being Valentine’s day, I am being an especially nice girlfriend by making my lover the thing he loves best - brisket. In lieu of a smoker, I’m preparing to oven bake a large chunk of delicious meat. I’m going to post my recipe as it evolves, as created from a conglomeration of online recipes.
At 11am, Valentine’s Day, prepare your weapons of attack:
One very big meat cleaver that is very sharp. One set of measuring spoons. One large Ikea roasting pan. One not very clean but quite efficient GE gas oven range. One 2.4 pound (a little over 1kg) piece of brisket from your local, happy butcher at the grocery store.
Now, prepare the dry rub. Mix together these ingredients:
2 tablespoons each of ground Colombian dark roast coffee (or something equally delicious) and very finely chopped garlic - practise your mad cleaver skillz.
1 tablespoon each of salt, ground black pepper, chilli powder, paprika, packed brown sugar, whole grain mustard.
1 teaspoon each of basil and allspice. Cumin would also be nice, but we’re out.
Take your brisket, place it enthusiastically on your roasting rack. This makes both a satisfying, meaty slap and a medieval sword-like clang. Because we’re cooking in the oven, with stock, we don’t need the fat to keep the brisket moist like you would in a BBQ smoker. Trim any over the top fat down to about 1/4 inch thick. I’m in Texas - that’s a lot of fat. Cut cross-hatches about 1/4 inch deep in the fat side. Take your delicious rub, which should look like dirt, but smell awesome. On a side note, I am no longer going to be linking to sensible, educational pictures, but to the most random images google search can produce when prodded with a sensible, educational request like “huge dirt pile”. Maybe I never was…
Rub your dirty spice mix all over your tender meat. Actually, brisket is completely un-tender, which is why we have to bake it for several hours.
Next, cover well with aluminium foil - watch out for aluminum foil, that stuff’s just a big phony and should not be invited for dinner. Place in the refrigerator for about two hours.
Preheat the oven to 300 degrees Fahrenheit or 150 degrees Celsius. Place your brisket uncovered in the oven for 30 minutes, then place 1.5 cups of chicken broth (or beef broth, or stock, or beer, or broth and beer) in the bottom of the pan, and surround the roast with potatoes, carrots and onions. These veggies need to be uniform size - about 1.5x1.5x2.5 inches, or in sensible sciencey measurements, 4x4x6cm. Cover your brisket with the foil from earlier, being careful not to burn yourself. It helps if you leave the foil creased from the edges of the pan when you had it in the fridge, and just re-crimp the edges.
Cook for hours and hours and hours. This just gets tenderer and tenderer - there is really no way to overcook it. The internal temperature should be about 150 F, or 65 C, when its done, and the meat should be falling apart. Give it, oh, about four or five hours, or two hours per pound, or half kilo.
I’ll let you know when its done. And no, you’re not invited for dinner either, sorry.
